my parents split after they made me. i am a volcano. they are tectonic plates. follow for more geological humour.
i really hope the two people who just followed me aren’t looking for geological humour or you are going to be earth-shatteringly disappointed
this post is one of my best by a landslide
(Source: circumcisions, via livelovelindsay)
when i die i hope this is the only picture left of me in the whole wide world and there is no other choice but to display this gem at my funeral in remembrance of me
(via beyoncevevo)
today these two kids in my math class were hitting each other with pencils and my teacher glared at them and said “could you try to be a little more mature?”
one of them screamed “TAXES” and punched the other kid in the face
(via livelovelindsay)
Not Iambic….Do Not Accept…
These tags I’ll pop, and boast in rhyming verse
that what I wear puts swagger in my gait;
though twenty shillings have I in my purse,
my self-esteem and manhood both inflate
when lofty furs I purchase for a cent.
Thy grandpa’s clothes are worthy salvage, though
they smell a trifle musty. Still, I spent
much less to dress myself from head to toe.To save or not to save? The question’s moot.
I’ll never give my coin to high-street crooks.
These dusty shelves will yield their hidden loot
to those, like me, more frugal in their looks.
Like ancient coins washed up on distant shores,
I’ll find my treasures in these thrifty stores.
- Macklemore, “Thrift Shoppe”*Crying with laughter*
ITS IN IAMBIC PENTAMETER. THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE THING.
Too fantastic not to reblog. Especially if you love Shakespeare. -H
Omggggg!
(via endorphin-overdose)
I swear this is the last one
(Source: oestranhomundodek, via livelovelindsay)
im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names
(via livelovelindsay)
if you ever call me annoying, even if it’s just jokingly, the chances of me ever speaking to you again are slim to none because I’ll be so afraid that every little word or sound that comes out of my mouth will aggravate you and make you cringe and hate my existence
(via livelovelindsay)
If you faceswap Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift, they look like a lesbian couple
(via livelovelindsay)
The awkward moment you realize he programmed a room based off the guy who owns PLAYBOY.
(via zackisontumblr)
